Courageous Conversations
No matter what — we will always show up for one another because people who have abortions are the future, and we deserve to be loved and protected. In the days and years ahead, We Testify will continue to invest in abortion storytellers to elevate their voices and expertise. Your voice is vital to this effort. Refuse to be silenced. Our abortion stories deserve to be heard. Your story deserves to be listened to. You deserve to be loved.
This moment calls for the leadership of people who've had abortions to lift our voices and demand abortion care for ourselves and our loved ones. When you feel ready and safe, tell everyone in your life about your abortion. Make them realize that everyone loves someone who had an abortion—and they love you! Raise your voice, and use this guide as a framework to have courageous conversations.
• I want to share my abortion story, but I’m nervous. Never forget: it’s your story and you are in charge. You don’t have to share anything you don’t want to share. You don’t have to do anything you don’t feel comfortable doing. You deserve the utmost respect and love for what you are giving to the world: your story. There are so many of us who have your back and are thankful that you are speaking out against abortion stigma so that the millions of other people who choose abortion can also speak out, if they want to. You are beautiful, powerful, and loved. Need support? View our storytelling tips here: Preparing to Share Our Stories.pdf
• I want to talk to my friends and loved ones about what’s going on. What do I say? It’s great that you want to chat with your friends and loved ones about what’s going on. This is a critical moment and it’s important that we’re all engaged, aware, and having conversations to make change. First, think about what you want to say; that could include why you care about abortion access for all, your own abortion stories, and your views about what support people should have when they’re deciding what to do when they are pregnant. Then, think about when and how you’d bring the conversation up, and do it at the next chance you have. Make sure you spend as much time listening to them as you do sharing your thoughts. If the conversation becomes challenging, do your best. Take a breath. Remember why you love this person. Remind them that you’re grateful they’re willing to have this conversation with you and thank them for engaging because you both care about pregnant people.
• What is happening? The Supreme Court has overturned its own 50 years of held precedent allowing the legality of abortion to be determined by each state rather than ensuring legal access for all of us across the nation. This means that in some states abortion will remain legal while in others, it will be considered a crime.
• Is abortion banned in the United States? It depends. This moment is very confusing. In many states abortion is still legal and available. Some states have banned it immediately, for others it takes time, and others still have banned it for most people based on their reason for an abortion.
• What does this decision mean? The decision means that it will be really hard for a lot of people who need abortions to obtain them. For some people, their nearest clinic will still be across town, while for others it may be in a state next door or across the country. It also means that in some states, people who have abortions, and the people who provide them, could be arrested by police and put in jail if they have an abortion or help someone else do so.
• What doesn’t this mean? This doesn’t mean that abortion is illegal everywhere. This doesn’t mean that all abortions are dangerous. This doesn’t mean that everyone who has an abortion in a state where it is banned will use a coat hanger and die. It simply means that abortion has been made a crime in certain states and people will have to work extra hard to help people leave their communities to travel for an abortion, as we have already been doing for decades, or community members will help people have safe abortions at home. It also means we’ll all have to take extra precautions to help people have abortions without being arrested by police.
• If an abortion is illegal, isn’t it unsafe? The reality is, just because something is illegal doesn’t mean it is automatically unsafe. Before Roe v. Wade legalized abortion across the country, many people had illegal abortions. That means that abortion wasn’t sanctioned by the state as a legal medical procedure and everyone involved could be arrested by police. Because people were afraid of being arrested, some people who tried to have abortions using unsafe methods, while others were able to use safe methods or rely on abortion providers and feminist organizers, like The Janes, who could provide safe abortions in secret. Today, organizers across the country are providing abortions safely, but the state would consider it a crime because they believe abortion should be banned. Think about it this way: marijuana is legal in some states but illegal in others. Some people are able to use marijuana without fearing arrest, while others—usually Black and Brown people—are punished harder if they are caught using it.
• I need an abortion. What do I do? First, take a deep breath. There are lots of people around the country who are ready to help you get you an abortion, whether it’s in your community or in another place. Check out our website with a step by step explainer on how to get an abortion.
• My loved one needs an abortion. What do I do? Thank you for being a supportive person for your loved one who needs an abortion. You’re making a huge difference in their experience. Every step of the way, you should make sure that they’re able to make their own decisions and you support them. You can help them talk it through, but don’t tell them what to do. Be a listening ear. Gather resources for them to help them make their decision, like calling All-Options, and then help them figure out where they need to go and how they will get there. We have resources on our website that will help you both through the process. You can also help by ordering food for them, making them comfortable, making them laugh, hanging out like you usually do, and listening to them. Tell them you love them. No matter what, give them a loving and supportive experience.
