Sound familiar? This common phrase is often said by supporters hoping to ally themselves with people seeking abortions, but one that unintentionally perpetuates stigmatizing views. We get it. Our society is full of pervasive misconceptions and myths that inform the way people who have had abortions are treated. This is true of our supporters, and even ourselves.
Abortion is all over the news and it’s bound to come up in conversations with family, friends, and coworkers who share a wide range of beliefs. Talking about abortion can feel stressful, awkward, or intimidating, but we can all do our part to push past discomfort and show our support for abortion access and people who have abortions. You don’t need to be an expert--like a health care provider or a full-time advocate--or have answers to all the questions to show compassion and respect for people who have abortions.
As our communities and loved ones gather this winter, we urge you to take this opportunity to revisit how you discuss abortion and people who have them.
What is Abortion Stigma?
Abortion is one of the most common and safest medical procedures, and yet, people who have abortions and provide care are often left feeling isolated and unwelcome in their communities. Why? Because misconceptions, myths, and discrimination contribute to what’s known as abortion stigma, a community barrier people seeking abortions feel.
Abortion stigma is defined as a “negative attribute” towards people who provide, have had, or are seeking abortions. Abortion stigma is a shared understanding among a group of people or society that abortion is morally wrong and/or socially unacceptable, thus people who are associated with abortion are mistreated.
Research has shown a link between the way a person feels about abortion and whether or not they know someone who’s had one, but people who share their abortion story are often harassed. One study showed 60% of people who shared their experience received death threats, doxxing, and sexual harassment. Most people who share their abortion stories are met with love and support, as well as harassment. It’s important that we model how to love people who have abortions aloud in public.
Abortion stigma can even be perpetuated by our supporters, who express conditional support of abortion access.
Phrases like, “I’m Pro-Choice, but…” inform abortion seekers that there are parts of abortion that still make you uncomfortable and that there are scenarios in which you may not stand alongside a person seeking an abortion. Remember, the conversations that feel easiest to skip–with people who aren’t totally against abortion, but still say things to shame people who have abortions– are actually some of the most important. Abortion stigma helps pave the way for the harmful abortion bans we’re seeing across our country.
Although these phrases are often spoken by well-intentioned people who support abortion access, they indirectly stigmatize us by not centering our experiences or acknowledging the barriers and obstacles many of us face. Abortion stigma is present in government and politics, media and pop culture, schools, hospitals, religious institutions, and the conversations we have with family and friends.
Every reason for having an abortion is a good enough reason and everyone loves someone who’s had abortions.
We put together a guide to model how we discuss can abortion access without perpetuating stigma. Use it next time abortion is brought up at the dinner table, with family or friends, so that we change the narrative through the stories we hear from others, the values we communicate within our families, and by supporting abortion anytime, any reason, and anywhere. No if, ands or buts.
If you have a friend who says, “I’m pro-choice, but…” (you know who we’re talking about) then these tips are for you.
Courageous Conversations
If you have a friend who says, “I’m pro-choice, but…” (you know who we’re talking about) then these tips are for you.
Start with the basics and emphasize positive values.
Remind your friends and family that:
Abortion is health care and everybody deserves access to quality health care, no matter their age, race, gender identity, or economic status, immigration status, or where they live. Restrictions on abortion are racist and classist, and don’t reflect our values.
Abortion care is an important part of reproductive health care overall, just like birth control or fertility treatment. It is one of the most common and safe medical procedures and there should be no shame in getting whatever kind of health care you need.
Everybody has a right to choose if, when, or how to have a family. Politicians shouldn’t get to control us.
Nobody should have to explain or justify their reasons for having an abortion. Not wanting to be pregnant is a reason, period.
Shut down stigma and get back to the point.
To redirect a conversation, you can use phrases like:
“That’s a common misconception, but the truth is…”
“If you want to keep talking about this, you need to hear me when I say…”
“I appreciate you sharing. I want to make sure that you understand…”
Call people in when they say something hurtful or wrong.
Watch out for common mistakes. Be kind, but firm, when you explain why conditional support for abortion isn’t real support. Here’s what the conversation can look like.
“I’m pro-choice, but that’s too far along. Late-term abortions are different.”
Actually, ‘late-term abortions’ aren’t a thing. Every pregnancy is different, and people should be able to consult with their healthcare providers about what they need at any point in a pregnancy.
Just like abortions earlier in pregnancy, later abortions happen for a lot of reasons. Some people don’t know they’re pregnant right away, or some people might not be able to afford to pay for an abortion as soon as they want to.